1. Let Go of the Anger –Anger is self-destructive. It makes you more miserable than the person you are angry at. Staying angry is like walking around with a big black cloud over your head. If you want to find the good things in life again, you must stop focusing on the bad things in the past. The past can gets in the way of getting through this bumpy part of our lives and moving forward. It can stop you from making good decisions.
2. Want What is Best For the Children– When you let go of anger, it becomes easier to think more clearly about your children and their needs. Children need both parents where possible. No parent is perfect, but each parent adds something different. Finding ways for the children to have the best relationship possible with each parent is going to benefit the children for the rest of their lives. Help the children continue to view both parents as part of a family, even if there are two households. Don’t badmouth the other parent. You may not like or agree with the other parent, but doing things that hurt the children’s relationship with the other parent is damaging to the children.
3. Look For Mutual Solutions– Very rarely do we get everything we want. In a divorce there are two people who both have their own interests and concerns, and often those interests and concerns are different. Leaving things up to a third party decision maker like the court not only is a huge gamble, but is also likely to result in an outcome that fails to take account of either persons goals. A judge does not have the time to get to know either person very well. Outcomes that you and your former partner come up with will be better suited to your situation. You have to recognize that your former partner is not likely to agree to what you want unless you make sure they get some of what they want as well.
4. The breakdown of a marriage or a defacto relationship is a time of high emotion. If you find your relationship has broken down you are likely to be suffering emotional distress in a similar manner to suffering physical distress or illness. Besides seeking legal advice from a Collaboratively trained lawyer you should obtain support and professional help from your general practitioner or referral to a counsellor, social worker or psychologist. Be gentle to yourself and travel carefully!